JALEBI Music Flash .......HUMOR:
"Putting the music of transcendental laughter into our lives!" Laugh on! :)
"THE MUSIC OF LAUGHTER"
Namaste! Hello! Ciao! Ni hao! Hola! Nihongo! Hare Krsna!
We know that our JALEBI Music FANtastics love our music so we thought we would add another kind of “music” to our web site! JALEBI Music Flash HUMOR is way to put the “music of transcendental laughter” in our lives!
Why “transcendental laughter”? Because we need to transcend and see things from a spiritual point of view otherwise we can become very negative.
Often we see so many things that make us angry, sad or frustrated! What can we do but rant and rave?! I think we all have heard of the following simple prayer?
” God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.”
Of course, there is another prayer... the Maha Mantra... which is definitely music to MY ears! :) It is both music and magic! Please check it out here. SURPRISE!!! This is a FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD! Get it now!
So what is the plan ....now that we have declared war on negativity? : ) Well.. our contributing editor Eddy Gaasbeek (Ekanatha dasa - ACBSP) and other contributers will be giving us weekly opportunities to laugh a little at ourselves and the world around us! We can all learn something, get the message ----and lighten up! lol
So we can all stay cool......transcendentally cool!!! Laugh on, brothers and sisters! Laugh on! Hare Krsna! Namaste, baby! : )
P.S. Here is an excellent disclaimer that I found at
HUMOR . It is perfect so I decided to use it! Here goes!
DISCLAIMER: Religious, as well as other humor, are needed so we can all lighten up as well as get along. I have done my best to use only clean jokes and those in good taste. Please do not take anything personal. We're just trying to laugh at ourselves (and others) to make it easier to approach such topics. My apologies if you find anything here objectionable. Please know it was not with intent.
Shirley Marie Bradby (MiraBai Devi Dasi)
JALEBI (Apr 1, 2007)
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Cheron Harrychund wrote:
Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University
1. He only had one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.
5. Some even doubt He wrote it Himself.
6. It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating His results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, He deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say He had His son teach the class.
14. He expelled His first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
Cheron Harrychund - Eddy Gaasbeek (Contributing Editor) (Jun 15, 2007)
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"STUPIDITY AWARDS"
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its' men to have a look for himself. He tried the
machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't idscovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder-block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder-block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder-block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called "911" immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
***A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that
the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon
hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of
these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
*******Remember ..... they walk among us!
*******
"STUPIDITY AWARDS" - Eddy Gaasbeek (Ekanatha dasa - ACBSP) Contributing Editor
(Apr 15, 2007)
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Sherlock Holmes and Watson were on a camping trip. They were lying in bed, looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, what do you see?"
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"I suppose, Holmes, it means that of all the planets and suns and moons in the universe, that we are truly the one most blessed with the reason to deduce theorems to make our way in this world of criminal enterprises and blind greed. It means that we are truly small in the eyes of God but struggle each day to be worthy of the senses and spirit we have been blessed with. And, I suppose, at the very least, in the meteorological sense, it means that it is most likely that we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, Watson, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Sherlock Holmes (Apr 4, 2007)
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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand
him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love
her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting
he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that
she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is
the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me
at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO
NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART
GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
(and for those of you who take all the above
too personal, well... that's your problem,
and you seriously need to lighten up)
LIFE EQUATIONS AND LIFE STRATEGIES
- Eddy Gaasbeek (Ekanatha dasa - ACBSP) Contributing Editor
(Apr 1, 2007)
